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Deciding what you actually want in divorce

They say that a truly fair compromise is one that leaves no one happy. Odds are, you're going to need to compromise a bit as you get divorced, and you may not always be thrilled with the outcome. Your spouse may feel the same way.

The key, then, is to understand that you can't have everything. What you want to do instead is to focus directly on the things you really want. When you know what your ultimate priority is, you can decide how to proceed.

To help, some suggest creating three categories. Write them out on a piece of paper if it helps. The first can be things you must have or really need. The second can be things that you want if possible. The third can be things that you are willing to let go. Remember that brutal honesty is needed. In some cases, it's hard to sort out the things that you need vs. the things that you want, but you have to do it.

For instance, maybe your top goal is to spend time with your kids. If you can, you want to keep the family home. You are willing to let go of your art collection, even though you love it. You simply realize that it's not as large of a priority. Above all else, you want to fight for your parental rights.

This is just one example, and every situation is different. Just make sure you know where you stand, what you want, and what steps you can take to chase your goals and protect your future.

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